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I dreamt I saw you dying on a sultry summer eve,
And I tried to yell before you went,
“No, you cannot leave!”
Since it was to me that you were sent,
To relieve me of my plight;
I'd been sitting by myself outside,
Not a friend in sight.

But then I woke up joyfully
To know that you’re still here
And I thought of all the wonderfully,
Fantastically, lovely memories we share.
From the time we flew above the clouds,
To the voyage underground
And the time we disguised ourselves as spies in any crowd.

You’ll be with me forever, right?
Just as long as I keep dear
Those trips of fantasy made at night,
I am sure you'll always be near.
So don’t stop visiting in my dreams
Even though I know you’re not for real.
Imagination is all I need, for what’s life but what to the mind
It seems?
©2007-2009 ~KBrookes
:iconkbrookes:

Author's Comments

What can I say? Children have very vivid dreams, and sometimes those dreams are, I believe, manifestaions of real life fears and problems. A child afraid of losing someone dear may dream of that person dying; likewise, a lonely child may make up a friend for his or her self.

Anyways, just something I wrote for the sole purpose of posting on dA, I feel quite guilty that I haven't kept certain promises...>_>

As always, I truly don't mind constructive critiscism. In fact, I need it. Tell me, please, does the poem, or certain aspects of it (such as rhyme and rythm, etc.), sound forced? Does it flow? Before you had read my comment, what did you make of the poem and what it was trying to say? And last but not least, did you like it? All these are things I'd like to know, to hopefully improve my writing (or, at the very least, to keep in mind while my brain refuses to change it's way of spewing out words for me to ink down).

Thanks for reading! =D
Kath

Edit
Is anyone else having a problem with the last line in particular? "for what is life but what to the mind it seems?"
It sounds...slightly...odd. It was suggested that 1) there are too many "what's", and then 2) the one "what" (when i took the first out) sounds wrong. What do you guys think?

Comments


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:icondeathlyxhallows:
ahhhh, I love this.
The last line did throw me off a bit, but I particularly enjoyed this bit'

Fantastically, lovely memories we share.
From the time we flew above the clouds,
To the voyage underground
And the time we disguised ourselves as spies in any crowd.

gosh, it conjures such awesome mind pictures, no?
Lovely, lovely, lovely. Now describe this person!
:iconkbrookes:
Yeah!! Thanks for the favourite, very kind of you ^_^.

And it's no one in particular. Just a child's imaginary friend. Your imaginary friend if you wanted.

And that's my favourite part too! It was the most fun to write, because of the images I was describing in my head. Glad you liked them too =D
:iconqlg:
The first thing I thought of were KGB agents. oO
And the narrator was someone who wished they worked for the Interpol
Yea, and you really did get them images conjured in writing. I liked the thought of flying, and then dressin up as spies.. (wats wit girls and dress up?)
I know, there's sumthin about the last line that doesnt click.
How about "life is but a dream"?
Nah, just playin
... I dunno, instead of making it a question, try making a statement. Don't go rheotoric... or however the hell its spelt.
Awesome poem thou. :D
I miss my imaginary friend *sniff*
Hope ur vacation is goin well. Not neglected?

--
"I'm not so good with advice... Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?"
:iconkbrookes:
thanks for your advice. Unfortunately, I'm at my grandparents'. I'll be able to fiddle around with the poem when I get back home.
Er...Not sure if I should be saying this, but...well, I seriously considered "life is but a dream" when you said it. At least, I thought, "hey, that's awesome, why didn't I htink of that!". i realized about 60 seconds later why i couldn't use it. =D

I'm not negelected per se...We were only in Jersey for the weekend, and now I'm wishing we were back. All I do at my grandparents' is go to work during the day, and then go to sleep at night. Seriously, they've so very small a concept of recreation. I've started to look forward to weekly grovery trips to the local chinese supermarket (where, apparently, everything's cheaper).

Hmm...I should go update my journal. But I won't. 'Cause it's sweltering in the office where I work (but I'm not complaining!), and I'd much rather say, "I'll do it tomorrow." =D
:icondei-chan-goboom:
um maybe the last line should go "Imagination is all I need, for what’s life but what the mind Sees?" >.< I dunno i thought that fit but you chew on that one and whatever you want to do with my suggestion do but I'am just throwin' that idea out ^.^ great poem i still got my dream friend like a mirror image of neverending dreams and hopes and fears loving and touching the things that seem so out of reach and seeing what I wish could be ....(ok I'll shut up now....I know i write to much and it might all sound like crap srry) >.<

--
Art is the desire of a man to express himself, to record the reactions of his personality to the world he lives in
~~~~Amy Lowell~~~~

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June 22, 2007
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